We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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