Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
