The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
