i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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