there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize