sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
