Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
