Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
