my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Found your dick twin last night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
