Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
