i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
