You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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