i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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