at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
