Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
