i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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