and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
