is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
