Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
