yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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