the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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