I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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