So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
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STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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