Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
