took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize