Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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