bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
