my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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