I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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