I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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