remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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