he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
