The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize