I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
