I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
