shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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