I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i will never coherently bang her
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
