In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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