She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
