so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
