thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize