i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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