He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
