you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
