get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Barsexuality is the new black.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
