She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
