My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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