If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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