this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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