who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
