i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
