Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
