Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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