Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
