Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
