Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
