I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
