So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
