i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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