i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I need water and some morals
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
