I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
