Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
