There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
