he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
